The Secrets to Writing a Really Stunning College Essay

The Secrets to Writing a Really Stunning College Essay

The following is an interview I conducted with one of my best former students, Wesley. We discuss how his college essay helped him get into Duke. It has been lightly edited for clarity.

The Context: Overcoming Obstacles

Most people would not have expected Wesley to get into Duke from his competitive high school. For one, he didn’t necessarily have the best grades or SAT scores compared to his peers. And to make matters worse, he had been through a family tragedy. But he never let any of that get in the way of achieving his dreams.

In Wesley’s case, it was really important for me to help him with his writing techniques so that he could tell a compelling story in his college essay. We wanted to show the admissions officers just how passionate and determined he was. I’ve taught over 1000 students by now, but Wesley is still the one who has inspired me the most. He just never gave up and that made me want to do everything I could to help him.

In the end, he wrote the most inspiring essay that I have ever read in my 16 years as an educator. It was so good that the admissions officer at USC emailed to tell him that it was her favorite essay of the year.

A Story of Perseverance and Passion

Dr. Kao: Let’s talk about your main college essay, which is still the best essay that I’ve ever read. And we went through nearly 15 drafts of it. Can you tell us what your essay was about and what it was like going through the revision process?

Wesley: To summarize my college essay, we wanted to talk about perseverance and passion. As you said, Dr. Kao, my academic achievements weren’t as great as other students’, so we focused on my passion for dance. I did contemporary dance and break dancing throughout high school. We also talked about my father having cancer during my time in high school. It was really hard. I was writing about something deeply personal.

At first, my essay came across as asking the reader for sympathy, which I don’t think is something you want to do in a college essay. We really worked on making the essay show my grit and perseverance, to show that I had overcome hardship. That took a lot of revision. Working with you, Dr. Kao, helped me to choose the right words and structure, and decide which information to include and omit. It was helpful to have someone not going through my personal tragedy who knew what the audience wanted to hear.

Making Connections Between Different Aspects of Your Life

Dr. Kao: To add on to what you mentioned, for college essays, you always want to tell a story about how the different parts of your life relate to one another. College admissions officers are moved by stories, not a list of unrelated activities and experiences on your resume.

In your essay, we showed how losing your dad to cancer inspired you to become a great dancer, which made your dancing seem much more meaningful than if it had been just a regular activity. These are the types of stories that give admissions officers a better sense of what kind of person you are.

Working with Dr. Kao

Dr. Kao: What was most memorable to you about working with me?

Wesley: I think you were a very important person in the process of me applying to college. I couldn’t have processed my thoughts into such a well-written essay without your help. You influenced my approach to the college admissions essay and my application as a whole. Knowing that I didn’t have the best standardized test scores, you really focused on the personal statement to make me stand out.

I would recommend Dr. Kao to others. She supported me through one of the toughest times of my life. It was an honor to work with Dr. Kao. I think she’ll go above and beyond to help you create the best college application and bring out your best qualities.

Dr. Kao: Thanks, Wesley. As you would imagine, Wesley’s doing really well now. He graduated from Duke and is now thriving as a manager at Amazon.